As a first child in the family, I used to feel responsible for making my parents happy in the smallest ways possible – expressing myself through words, making hand made cards on special occasions, resolving conflicts/miscommunication between them, etc. Over time, I realized that their mindsets are very different and despite my efforts, I could never make both happy at the same time. Being sandwiched to choose sides became a daily task and all that used to be left of me at the end of the day would be hope and the urge to start afresh the next day and truly live up to my name! (the meaning of my name is “someone who spreads happiness”).
My father sensed my struggle and one fine day he told me, “Focus on yourself. Do what is right according to you – not what mom thinks is right or what I think is right”. I asked my dad, “Dad, how do I know what is right? Everyone believes what they are thinking and doing is right. So, how do I know and choose what is right, dad?”. His response was, “You know you are right when your choice doesn’t hurt others and doesn’t have just your benefit”.
Years later, that wake-up call still resonates with me. I realize that, unlike most of the world that is self-centered, my problem area is most likely the fact that I am the opposite. My focus is still on values that I have learnt in my school life – staying selfless, spreading joy through small acts of kindness and being persistent every new day towards my goals – and all of it with a cheerful smile. I realize that no matter what the world brings to me every day, I can’t change this wiring inside of me and these values are still ingrained in me since my #littleme days, and this constant reminder has automatically built #resilience in me over the years.
However, I have learnt to be selfish in one aspect – to find happiness within myself and to create it if I can’t find it. There’s no other way to live up to my name otherwise, don’t you agree!?
