Today we want to create fearless organizations.
There are increasing conversations around pyschological safety.
How can this dream and aspiration become a reality?
 
The answer to this lies in the power and possibilities of vulnerability. As a leadership Coach, when I talk about the possibilities that vulnerability unfolds for leaders, I often see that they have great buy-in. But I see them struggle with where to begin.
 
With their permission I share a personal story. I learnt this story when I was in my early twenties, as a classical Indian dancer. I had the opportunity to perform a key role in one of the dance plays, and it was the role of the main character alongside my Guru “Teacher”. He is a world renowned dancer and when I heard that I was going to play the lead role alongside him, I experienced both emotions simultaneously – 1. feeling awed and 2. Experiencing Fear. The fear of performing beside a legend was making me nervous.
 
On day 1 of the practice sessions, I was all set having practiced different combinations of foot and hand works, preparing myself well for the possible choreographic requirements. While converting the idea he had into an artistic choreography, where we created some unique visual formations as a team, suddenly I saw my legendary guru wooble and loose control over a footwork which required us to stand in a tree pose. I was surprised, as in my mind, I had this image that he could never make a mistake. He caught my facial expressions very quickly and effortlessly smiled and came forward. He said, two things which were my first lessons in vulnerability.
1. every time I wobble, it teaches me humility. I am not perfect and therefore I cannot expect perfection from my students.
2. It also helps me take this mindset to life outside performing arts – making human connections.
 
So every time I wobble in a yoga mat or I make a mistake or observe that is others, I remember the humility and vulnerability expressed by my guru, and relax with both acceptance and appreciation for self and others.
 
I strongly believe in the mind body connection for some of these courageous acts in life and encourage leaders like yourself to start observing connections between your body, mind and emotions to guide your fearless leadership forward.

When was the first time you saw vulnerability from a new perspective?

In the initial years of my coaching, I started coaching a client who was a senior leader reporting to the CEO of a start-up supporting the hospitality industry. He enrolled in three Months program; however, after two sessions, I started sensing that he was faking curiosity during the coaching conversation. Initially, ignored it, thinking that he was more nervous opening up about the challenges with his co-workers.
As we moved toward the fourth session, I felt a little nervous. He always came up with excuses for not taking action as he committed.

·      I shouldn’t have agreed to coach such a senior profile
·      I should stick with coaching only women
·      Let me talk to him and return the money

The self-talk was ruminating that I spent a couple of sleepless nights. In the fourth session, I decided to start the conversation with feedback; I asked him how these three sessions helped him.
After a pause, he started talking down the mind shift he had been going through and mentioned that the sessions were magical. As I keenly noticed his tone and body language, I could sense that he meant those words. He started listing the positive changes he has experienced, which his colleagues also noticed.

After that session, I sat with my journal and started reflecting.
·      Why did I think the problem was with me?
·      Where did that self-doubt come from?

Such #vulnerable moments keep coming as we sail through many difficult conversations. At times, these internal dialogues stem from our perception of ourselves. These instants become path-breaking moments leading us on a more remarkable journey. The beauty lies in recognizing vulnerability and accepting who we are. Such self-acceptance leads to #selfawareness and #selfmotivation.

I was #coaching a very senior executive. There were enough signals right from the beginning that the person was not committed to the journey, even though she kept reiterating that she was enjoying the process. I got the signal that she was going through the motions, she was not really doing justice, both in terms of the time she was committing, as well as the progress she was making.
 
It was causing a lot of frustration to me. But surprisingly, as we ended the journey towards the end, I think it was the final session, she made it a point to say that although she had started the journey as a skeptic, without understanding why she was part of the process which reflected in her commitment. After a point, she realized the value of what she got out of it, and she was a better person than when she started the journey. So that was an interesting twist, which I didn’t expect.
 
One thing I realized is that I didn’t call out when I sensed that this person is not committed or did not probe further and I’m still unsure whether I should have done it or not. So that’s a dilemma that you face. But I think what helped was the fact that I continued to be very patient, respectful, and humble.

I was #coaching a woman leader. The engagement started well, and I thought the person was making good progress. She was a busy executive coupled with family responsibilities. Abruptly, she stopped having coaching after the first three or four sessions. Being overwhelmed with work and responsibilities at home was the reason for dropping the sessions as she may not be able to give her best to the coaching journey. And it took me completely by surprise because I was completely blindsided, I had absolutely no hint. I moved past this experience with the belief that every day I am doing my best, but the outcomes are beyond my control.

During a #coaching engagement, as the coachee is going through the developmental journey, there sometimes comes a situation when the Coachee feels that their life is less than ideal while the Coach appears to have everything sorted in their life and is approaching the zen state. The truth can be far from this assumption.

I once coached a senior #leader who had many things on his plate and getting stressed out and heading towards burnout. The development opportunity clearly pointed to establishing boundaries, developing ability to say no, appropriate prioritisation, and most importantly, need for self compassion and self-love. The coachee was clearly overwhelmed with so many moving platforms and at one point said, “Looks like I have messed up my life. Though I have attained a senior position, I dont seem to have developed the ability to keep calm when the storm is on”. Clearly, there was a lot of self-pity and low self-regard at this moment. He went on to add pointing to me, “Look at you. How gracefully you are having the conversation and how calm and composed you are present during the session” and he was using this statement to further drive the contrast.”

This is the moment I paused and mentioned to him, “ You should have seen me a few years ago before I became a coach. I was having a lot of self-induced and genuine stress from my job, taking a toll on my well-being and quality of life. I didn’t have a coach at that time. Luckily, you have a coach now to talk through things and enhance your life”

This was a moment when I was vulnerable and the coachee realized that he was not alone on the journey. This conversation developed trust between us and we ended up having a great coaching engagement resulting in the transformation of the Coachee.

Have you thought about showcasing vulnerability in friendships? A 11-year-old girl (Ankita) taught me the importance of vulnerability. In my knowledge, vulnerability is very intimidating, the more you expose the self, the more you push away your defenses. But in the long run, showcasing vulnerability is worth it!

I realized this through an internship at a school during undergrad. We were assigned to take the 5th grade children for one day/night trip and Ankita was one among them. When her parents came to drop her off at school, they informed us that their daughter was carrying a worn-out teddy in her bag, and they were worried that other children might tease her. The teddy was handmade by her grandmother and been with her from kindergarten. Now that Ankita was in 5th grade, she began hiding about the teddy from other friends as she was ashamed and felt vulnerable admitting that she sleeps with a worn-out teddy.

Post the day of activities, the children went to sleep in the beds assigned to each of them in a hall. All the children snuggled in the bed, but Ankita alone was tossing and turning. It was the battle of vulnerability that she was fighting thinking about keeping her teddy next to her. What do you think she did?

She quietly walked up to her bag placed in a corner, unzipped it and took out the teddy bear, walked back to her bed and tucked in. One of her friends immediately popped up and asked Ankita what was that? That night, Ankita mustered up the courage and showcased her vulnerability to her friends and talked about the teddy and how precious it was. No one laughed and everyone was listening. Slowly her friend got up, went to her bag and took out her dog picture, the other friend took out her mom’s blanket. Can you imagine each one was hiding something. Each one laughed and slept well that night and us interns and teachers were super happy.

That was the night I realized, the first step towards friendship is showing your true emotional self, in other words vulnerability. One might feel at risk but at the end strong bonds form due to it. I believe in the power of vulnerability.
When was the first time you saw vulnerability from a new perspective?
#Ibelieveinthepowerofvulnerability

It was the initial stage of my career. Fresh from Engineering college, I chose #salesprofession against the technical one, which many of my classmates opted for. With no proper sales background and no formal #salestraining, I used to learn everything in the field.
Most of the calls those days were gate crash calls, meaning, no prior appointments with the prospects/customers. I still remember one of the sales calls. It was late evening. The EDP manager whom I wanted to meet was busy and he asked me to wait. After almost an hour, he came out to meet me.

After our initial greetings exchange, I straight jumped into my product and explained about it for 10 mins. It was a complete monologue, rather I would say, I was just pouring out whatever information I had in my mind to him. He was listening to me patiently without interrupting me. Once I stopped my verbal diarrhea, he got up from his chair, went to the cabin door, opened the door and signaled me to leave. I was completely shocked by his action. When I asked him what mistake I did for him to treat me like that, he didn’t utter a single word, again showed the door and signaled to leave. It was a total embarrassment. Even today, I don’t know why he acted like that.

Next day morning, we had our daily sales meeting where everyone reported the previous days calls. I could have chosen not to report that particular embarrassing incident in our meeting. Or I could have told that the meeting went on well but the client didn’t have any requirement. Or I could have told that the client was not there at all. I am sure, no one would share this embarrassing situation and expose their #vulnerability. But I thought different. I decided to share that incident with my manager and the team mates. Like me, they were also completely shocked. I got few answers from my manager and others on possible reasons why the prospect behaved like that.
Most importantly since I opened up, I felt relieved. People started looking up to me for my honesty and integrity then on. By exposing vulnerability, I thought people would ridicule me or brand me, but every time, I gained valuable lessons which culminated in me building a strong value system.
I believe in the power of vulnerability.

When was the first time you saw vulnerability from a new perspective?

Whatever the outcome of this interview, I just wanted to tell you that, unlike you, I didn’t have the guts to mention my ‘maternity leave’ as a project on my resume. I think more mothers, in fact, all mothers should do it. Thank you for being an example.”

This was my conversation during my first call with the HR head of one of India’s largest ed-tech platforms. I had applied for a role with them. While preparing my resume after a maternity gap of 3 years, I was in a fix. The gap seemed like a vulnerability, but in truth, being a first-time mother was the toughest project I had embarked on. I had to multi-task, go the extra mile every single minute, enable my team member (son) to achieve his milestones ahead of time, nurture a person into a sensitive, sensible human being… and the list goes on. So I decided to not find an excuse for the long gap and instead wear it as my crown. And it paid. My effort was noticed and appreciated, and that’s when I realized that #IBelieveInThePowerofVulnerability. Our vulnerabilities make us more human than shining in any high-risk project ever will.

I also make it a point to say ‘I don’t know this’ when I don’t know something, followed by an ‘I will figure out how to do this’. Where’s the weakness then? Nowhere.

It was 2021 when I felt like I had hit a slump in my career. We were working long hours during the pandemic because the demand for content had skyrocketed and I was handling multiple accounts in the agency I worked for then. After moving cities for studies and jobs, house hunting, surviving personal struggles, and intense overwork during the pandemic, I was burnt out.
 
Words evaded me and structures became rambling every time I attempted to write an article. I sought help for my brain fog and as expected, I was advised a complete break from all professional activities. I had just received a promotion and it wasn’t easy to confront the reality that my body needed rest.
 
For almost a decade, my career had been my identity and I couldn’t imagine spending months without the designation and salary that had defined my career growth. How would I validate my worth to myself? How would I explain myself to parents who had worked all their life that their adult daughter wouldn’t be earning for some time? I decided to finally embrace the situation and have honest conversations with people around me. I freelanced for the next year and was transparent to all recruiters that I had taken a mental health break. Some were sceptical about whether I could work under pressure while some were compassionate, sharing their stories of taking a breather.
 
Many people had suggested that I lie about my break, but I wanted to be authentic about my vulnerability. Being vulnerable meant I opened myself up to others’ love, kindness and support. While most could relate to my situation, it was a journey where I learnt to accept my limitations.

A break doesn’t mean weakness and it does not negate our professional or personal growth in any way so why should we be scared of being vulnerable? Vulnerabilities make us human and it is where our meaningful connections begin.