Every now and then life throws a curveball at us. For years, I have prioritised work and others before my own needs. I would sleep late after reading, wake up late, work like a zombie, and engage mechanically because I had to answer the call of duty. If things did not go a certain way, I would stress to the point of falling sick. I would recover and return to the same cycle. One day, I lost my sleep, started coughing all night feeling choked and stopped responding to any medication. It was a severe relapse of GERD, better known as acid reflux and nothing could make me feel better. It had been a year of suffering physically and mentally and this was the nail on the coffin. I was sick of my own pattern and my body made it clear. That’s when I had to sit myself down and take accountability.

“Nobody could save me until I chose to save myself”. I had to get better if I wanted to show up in my job and relationships healthily. I had to invest in myself to live my dreams and be there for those around me. That was the beginning of a more disciplined life — committing to the Circadian rhythm, eating better and making time for rest and recovery.

The transition hasn’t been easy, but I believe that it will pay off someday. Growth, often, begins with accountability. This cannot happen without changing our self-talk, coaching ourselves and being intentional about our actions.

I said to myself, I am tired of the victim voice speaking from within me.
I asked myself, How can I move from “If then” Thinking to “What If” Thinking?

I connect deeply with culture. Cultural and spiritual practices give more meaning to my life. I am constantly giving time to understand their relevance in today’s chaotic world around us.

While the busyness of building our businesses and competing personal priorities continue, there is one particular family conversation – how can we simplify our lives? This conversation would come up every time, we are pressed for time. And I felt uncomfortable and sometimes guilty, If I was imposing these expectations on my family.

One day in the midst of such a conversation, the coach within me asked,

How can we move from “If then” Thinking to “What If” Thinking?

Everyone around me was silent and thinking. While reflecting silently, someone asked, If not this, What will we be doing Now?
And, it dawned to all of us, that it is important we give time to things that matter most in the long run.

If the coach within did not stand out to get the “if then” and “what If” thinking, we may perhaps still continue to have many of these conversations.

And so life continues….

If then means Fixed mindset, Constraint, Solving for the Present.
What If means Growth mindset, Visualising the possibility for the future.

How can the Coach within each one of us change the outcome?

I Asked the leader, “Is there a way that your playstation time could showcase irresponsibility towards your family?”

His version of relaxation was to play video games late into the night. And the way he justified spending this time was telling himself, “I am working so hard during the day that I need to reward myself during the night. What he did not realize is that his pre-occupation with “Me” did not include time for “We”. The most important part of WE that was getting sacrificed was family time.

Without his ability to sequence “We” before “Me”, this coachee felt that he ran the risk of alienating his family, while also feeling doubly guilty about not prioritizing them. As a Coach I felt the need for a powerful question that included a nudge – “Is there a way that your play station time could showcase irresponsibility towards your family?”

The full impact of the question dawned on the coachee and his eyes became moist. He realised that pandering to his instincts were impeding his intentions.

The next choice was to inquire and explore his emotions further. And, the next questions was. What would you do differently given your realisation?

And so the coaching progressed…..